Anger and Understanding
by deeda
Summary: Just a random one shot that popped up! i have been away for a while so this is probably not very good! Oh and i dont own CM or any of its characters!


"WHAT WAS HE THINKING?" those were the words resounding through the media liaison's head as she dug through the black hole that was her rather large handbag or "mini suitcase" as the boys insisting on calling it. JJ knew that she would probably be more successful if she was calmer and took time to take out some of her belongings as opposed to just grabbing random things and trying to feel her way around the bag. But calm was one thing that she was not. She was upset, more upset than she remembered being in the recent past and in the deep recesses of her mind this knowledge troubled her. However, she pushed everything into the back of her mind and concentrated on the anger.. and the search. She honestly needed to start cleaning her bag more often or maybe just reducing the size of the bag..

The growl that escaped JJ's throat was enough to inform her team that it was time to make a hasty retreat. While most of the time the media liaison was the calmest and sweetest person in the world when she was angry - she was ANGRY! Most of them had learnt the lesson the hard way in their early days of working with her and now knew not to push the petite blonde beyond her limits. Which is why all of them gave the man at the centre of her ire a sympathetic glance and quietly headed for the door. He was their friend and in no way deserved what JJ was sure to do to him but he had put himself in this position and they valued their lives too much to incur her ire on his behalf.

"Traitors!" was what Aaron Hotchner was thinking when he saw his team quietly exit the small conference room. He would have said it out loud but he didn't want to draw JJ's attention to himself any sooner than he had to. Maybe just maybe her hunt in her bag (if one could call it that) would distract her enough that she would just forget about the matter at hand. But even as he thought it Hotch knew that was wishful thinking at its extreme! And sure enough the blonde let out a disgruntled huff, dropped her bag onto the table with a thud and fixed her ice cold blue gaze on him. It was then that the Unit Chief prayed to the God above that he would get out of this alive.

"So?" her tone was deceivingly calm- thankfully he knew better than to fall for it.

"Hmm so…" and deciding to grab the bull by the horns, he continued "it wasn't that bad JJ. Seriously, it was the best option at the time! It's not like I had a lot of time to think and analyze the situation." Hearing her sharp intake of breath he hastily continued "I understand that in hindsight it probably wasn't my smartest idea but honestly you have to understand the situation that I was in at the time." Even as he spoke Hotch knew that he didn't owe her an explanation- he was her boss at crying out loud but he KNEW that he had to explain the situation to her and get her to calm down and he was trying very very hard not to think about why he felt that way.

"Fine! I understand!" her voice was calm and it was then that Hotch knew that something was well and truly wrong. While JJ was usually the most understanding member of his team Hotch knew that this was not her understanding nature. This was JJ giving up and that bothered him more than if she had screamed and yelled at him. He walked up to her and gently grabbed her arms- almost as if needing to know that she was still in the room with him. "What's wrong?" he hated the slight desperate edge to his voice but knew that when it came to him and JJ the blunt approach was usually the best.

She couldn't look at him. She wouldn't look at him. She was tired- So tired with worrying about him while trying to hide it from the world. She knew that he consistently skipped meals and would have shriveled up if she didn't pester him about eating. She knew that he used to work well into the night after putting his kid to bed- she would receive emails from him at all times of night. She knew that he has become even more withdrawn over the last year and she was tired about fighting with him to come out with the team and on the off chance that he agreed, she would spend the entire evening getting him to interact with the other members of the team. And now as she listened to his explanation which made perfect sense (as did everything that he said or did) she realized that none of her hard work really mattered. He was still going to do what was required without really having any regard for his life or the feelings of those around him. If he didn't care about what would happen to his son if something was to happen to him then why was she losing sleep over it? Why did she care if he ate or not or if he slept or not? IT WAS NOT HER PROBLEM!

He softly touched her chin to raise her head so that he could look at her eyes. What he saw there surprised him- they were wet as if holding back tears and they were sad! It was not anger but more like resignation. "JJ, what's wrong babe? Please tell me what you are thinking?"

"I'm tired Hotch! You are right- there was no time to think and you did what you thought was correct in the given situation. I know that if I was your place I would have probably done the same thing." She told him softly.

"Then what is bothering you? Please don't hide from me!" he was practically pleading with her.

"There is nothing bothering me! Why should I be bothered about things that don't concern me? Why should I care when you put yourself in danger? Why should I care about Jack every time you pull stunts like this…. Yes STUNTS! Because that is what they are Hotch! Jack has already lost his mother- what will he do if something were to happen to you? What will WE do? Do you even think about that? Huh? DO YOU?" Now that she had started the anger had returned full force and she couldn't stop! She knew that she was probably saying that things that she would never voice in her right mind but it was like she had no control over her mouth!

He was shocked. He hadn't thought that this was the reason why she was upset! Sure, he knew that ever since Hailey's death JJ had been pretty consistent in his life but he never realized that the dependence ran both ways. That she relied on him for some things too and he knew that he was far more dependent on her than he dared to imagine. He knew that he had to respond to her but he didn't know how. For possibly the first time in his life Aaron Hotchner had no idea how to react. So he decided to take a page out of Morgan's book and "wing it"!

"JJ, honey, I'm so so sorry! I didn't know that my actions were impacting you like this! Of course I care about Jack and think about him all the time but there are times when the present situation takes me away! I know that I have to be careful but I would rather put myself in danger than any of you. You are my team and I am responsible for all of you- for your safety!" Hotch didn't even realize that affectionate terms were dropping from his lips but it seemed so natural.

Her silence was unnerving him so he continued, "JJ? I'm so sorry baby! I'm so sorry! Honey look at me.. Please!" and when a sob escaped her, Hotch just wrapped his arms around her and held her. Nothing had felt so perfect to him and even though he knew that he needed to consider and think about all the things that JJ had said, Hotch knew that he would be nothing without the woman that he currently held. He would have to change and while this was the very thing that he had fought with Hailey about, JJ had struck a chord with him that Hailey never could. He promised that he would try and change for his family which he hoped would one day include JJ and Henry!


End file.
